Question: How to differentiate between detachment and dissociation, or when does spirituality distances us from true spirituality?

The question came in French: Comment différencier détachement et dissociation, ou quand la spiritualité nous éloigne de la “vraie” spiritualité?

I know he’s a boxing fan, so just for you, here’s detachment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJUzl0aFHZwg

You can tell he’s focused, going with the flow, zen, relaxed, reacting to the situation, reading, evading, blocking, etc. He’s in the situation. He tries some feints to see how his opponent reacts. He calmly analyses the situation. In his own words: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Here’s a person talking about what it is like to suffer from dissociation: https://youtu.be/ZcGLkisSmyk?si=FiVkZZvnef7gFqfo&t=58

The biggest difference is the quality of presence and focus that is in detachment. It is possible to be detached while being fully present and associated in the moment.

This could be the end but I feel that there’s some other things to add.

Bonus answer

I’d like to answer some other things present in the question.

In my vipassana article I talked about how you learn to actively focus on everything that’s happening. It’s about enhancing your focus so you can feel the most subtle of senses/perception. Spiritual people that follow the dissociation path, want to distance themselves from those sensations.

If the pain is too hard, a way to cope is to dissociate, to get out of yourself, to dissociate from your thoughts, emotions, ego, sensations, needs of your body, etc. I’ve met several people who were clearly on this path. Spirituality for them was the dulling of the senses, sensations, emotions, thoughts, etc. I got to know some of them more intimately and I can say that they lead very difficult lives.

To be very concrete: I’m talking about rape, physical/mental abusive parents, war survivors, murder witnesses, etc. I’m talking about people who suffer from serious traumas from serious life events. I’ve seen what those did to them. I’ve seen how they try to cope with it. I can say that it sucks and that it’s the kind of suffering I wouldn’t wish on anyone. To be blunt, I can totally understand that they want to dissociate.

Bonus answer 2

When looking at this question, I feel like something is missing. The questioner will tell me if I’m wrong, but I feel that the implicit question he’s asking is: What is true spirituality?

One person who used to be one of my closest friends, only drinks water and eats low calorie fruits once a day. That person is trying to limit their food intake to once a week. This is a virtue to them and the sign that they’re getting closer to that goal is a sign that they’re advancing on the path of “true” spirituality. The person does this as spiritual, emotional and physical liberation. It is also an example to convince everyone to fight capitalist/consumer society.

We’ve clashed a lot, because as I said in my vipassana article, it is possible to live exactly the same life without all the frustration, fear, anger, hate, etc. I wasn’t asking this person to change their lifestyle, just their attitude. This person clearly has something deeply rooted against current society, but this person won’t accept it, because a spiritual person can’t ever have “negative feelings”.

I believe that this person is convinced that their spirituality is the truth and that mine is a lie. That my spiritual path is wrong because it’s not “actively” changing the world.  

If you have read this far, you can understand that to answer the question of true spirituality would take too long and I don’t think that I can summarize it in a few sentences here.

Conclusion

Even if I won’t answer what true spirituality is here, I can give another answer:

There was a point on my spiritual path when I stopped needing answers about spirituality, truth, detachment, dissociation, meaning, etc.

This moment was something between a decision and a realization. A realization that the answers don’t really matter, only how I choose to act.

Do I need ultimate answers to live my life? No, I don’t and neither do you.